Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
