that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
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