I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
