In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
