thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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