i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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