Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
