did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
