this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
