I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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