you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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