worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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