Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
