a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
