grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm really busy with my period
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