proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Just high enough for therapy.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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