oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
