hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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