That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
