I am puke
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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