I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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