Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
