Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize