I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
