fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
