She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
