it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
