"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
well you can't waste a boner
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
