you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
