I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
