broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize