Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
