Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
