HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize