It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
