with your own penis?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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