beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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