it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
She swung at the pinata with crutches
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
