I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
