Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
A bitchslap is in order.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
