Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
