I want to stick my p in your. b.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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