Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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