You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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