It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
