Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
