I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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