Kiss
Puke
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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