we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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