someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize