I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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