thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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