Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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