Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
