my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
