Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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