i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
