I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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