are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I need to calm my uterus...
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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