My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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