i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Randomize
