We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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