i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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