Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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