were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
