Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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