Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize