wakey wakey hands off snakey
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
