This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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