she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
