Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
