god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
My bed smells like the plague
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
