Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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