this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
