spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
