You just made me feel so damn special
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
