remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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