my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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