I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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